31 December 2014.
I could imagine what most of us were doing. Reflecting on the year we'd had,reminiscing on the memories,and allowing ourselves to be soaked into the whirlwind of all sorts of overwhelming emotions. But what I can bet my money on is the 'List' making that took place that day.
You may ask yourself what is this list making I'm referring to? Well some call it 'resolutions',some call it 'year goals',some 'short term plans',I call it 'List making'. You made these lists with determination that you'd do everything in your power to achieve them the following year. As soon as the clock striked 00:00 and announced the new year's presence your demeanour changed,leaving you feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the year head on.
January kicks off and you've got a bounce in your step,your attitude seems lighter and you feel more determined than before. Weeks pass and you fall right back into your previous year's routine-where you'd go about living your life one day at a time,adapting a chilled laid back and 'lazy' attitude. All 'lists' forgotten.
We're in February now and well you pretty much haven't spared a look in the list's direction,you haven't attempted any item on your list yet and when you realise that,Panick kicks in. You start making amends to your list,postponing some of the deadline dates(some of the items on your list are things you've been carrying over since 2008 #sigh..). You start making excuses for yourself,blaming tiredness and being constantly busy for your lack of enthusiasm in attempting your list. Your beginning of the year determination long forgotten.
STOP IT!! STOP THAT!! Don't say what?? You know what. Stop putting this unnecessary pressure on yourself. You keep postponing,you keep adding items onto your list but you not making any moves. This vicious circle ends NOW!! ( Don't mess with my vibe I'm in serious mode right now).
I was a victim of this 'list making' pressure. I kept thinking I had everything under control and it was fine if I postponed things because I still had time to make up for them later -truth is no one has time at all,if you think you do well I suggest you wake up from that fantasy. The only time you have is NOW. If I didn't achieve what I'd planned on achieving I felt like the World's biggest failure.
Then at the beginning of this year I had a life changing revelation. If you believe in God and you're as spiritual as I am then this next part will probably be more relatable to you (if you're not don't feel discouraged,read on and continue following this blog. I'll pray that God reveals himself to you).
Okay back to my revelation,in the midst of writing my list God asked me why did I worry myself so much,why didn't I trust him? This came as a shock to me because I love God with all my heart and Jesus is the centre of my being. But after some time I analysed the words and realised that I'd been leaning on him all these years instead of giving myself completely to him. I'm a very independent individual and I like things that way but I hadn't realised that my independence was starting to interfere with my relationship with God. I'd been so consuming in worrying about completing my list and hadn't even consulted him about it. He says in Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you,plans to give you hope and a f
uture." I mean Hello! ,my wonderful awesome God has plans for me and here I was worrying myself to the bone. All I needed to do was 'Delight yourself in the Lord & he'll give you desires of your heart.'- Psalm 37:4
Easy,peesy,pudding and pie!. Now the biggest challenge I faced was letting go and trusting the plan he had for me instead of my own. I had to consult him about everything I planned on doing and I had to sit back and wait for his approval. I realised that as soon as I lifted my eyes off my never ended list and put them on God he opened and closed all the necessary doors that needed attention. It was hard at first I won't lie but I felt him coaxing me towards the point where I could fully trust him,because I had delighted myself in him and he knew my heart's desires,there was no need to write down lists and put pressure on myself.
Now I know what you're thinking. 'Miranda,planning your goals is not a bad thing at all' - I fully agree with you,it shows organisation and direction BUT how far have you come in achieving those goals on your own? Have you consulted God about them and asked him to guide you in achieving them?. Maybe the doors that keep shutting in your face when you try to knock are a sign for you to take a step back and let him do his part. You'll be amazed at how relieved and carefree you'll feel.
I now find comfort in knowing that whatever is mine I will receive and whatever I don't get wasn't mine to begin with. I'm freed from 'The Art of List Pressure' chains and I can move about and praise him in the hallway whilst I wait for the right doors to open.
'Don't worry about anything: instead,pray about everything: tell God your needs and don't forget to thank him for his answers. If you do this you will experience God's peace,which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest as you trust in Christ Jesus' - Philippians 4:6-7
Miranda_deigh
